Ghislaine Maxwell Will Take The Stand And Testify Against Bill Clinton

Ghislaine Maxwell, who is on trial for being the mastermind of Pedo Island, has decided to take the stand. According to a member of her legal team who wishes to remain anonymous, they’ve devised a new strategy:

“We’re looking at shifting the blame to the men involved and away from Ms. Maxwell. We feel as though if she testifies against Bill Clinton, she’ll have a chance at immunity.”

It’s a trap.

Prosecutors told us that Clinton isn’t on trial for anything, so there’s really no point in testifying against him. The judge agreed, and in an unprecedented move, ruled on the testimony before it even began:

“The motion before the court is the dumbest thing ever submitted. Denied.”

For it to be that cut-and-dry, you know that guy is on someone’s payroll. Who does he think he’s kidding with all that noise?

Our source says that Maxwell’s testimony will work, but that they’re not sure how well:

“I’m not actually qualified to report on this at all. I put in an application at the snack bar. Is human resources still gonna call?”

We checked our decoder logs, patriots, and that source was telling us, in code, that lizard people have taken over the courthouse in San Publisco.

God help us all. And God bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 189 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.