Southeby’s Offers Kyle Rittenhouse $4.2M for his AR15

British Auction House Southeby’s has extended a very generous offer to Kyle Rittenhouse: Sell us your gun for more than $4 million.

$4.2 million, to be exact. Southeby’s thinks they have the kind of international clientele that would relish owning a piece of history like Kyle’s infamous assault rifle. According to their spokesman, Art Tubolls:

“Mr. Rittenhouse has an item we think may be worth close to $8 million to the right buyer. As is our custom, we’ve offered Kyle 60 percent of the total value. The remainder covers the overhead, security, and commission to the lucky salesperson whose client ends up with some pedo murder on his or her wall.

“Mr. Rittenhouse is welcome to try his luck on his own, as the comments on this Facebook post are likely to suggest, but he may find it difficult to find someone in the states willing to pay that rather that just going out and buying one of the 134,978 weapons on the free market there with multiple bodies on them.”

You have to hand it to those Brits. They really know how to sell stuff.

Kyle hasn’t responded to my request for comment, about anything, ever, because I make fun of him all the time for being a lucky little shit. But that’s okay, patriots. He knows I cherish his murderous little ass and all the pageviews it’s generated for me.

Love you, Kyle. Never change, Boo.

God Bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 182 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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