AOC Files $400 Million Suit Against Kyle Rittenhouse on Behalf of ‘The People’

AOC has decided that if Kyle Rittenhouse is gonna make all this money suing people for saying he shot and killed two men, that she’s gonna make sure he gets none of it.

According to our source inside AOC’s office, who may or may not have heard her say it, AOC made this ludicrous statement:

“That kid put himself in a dangerous situation with a deadly weapon, and whether he or 12 jurors want to believe it or not, caused the death of two men. That’s not a thing people should profit over. He’s suing good people for having a negative opinion of him. Well…get over it, snowflake. Fuck your feelings.”

According to Republican Whip Art Tubolls and Senate Minority Tempura Sargeant Joe Barron, the entire GOP caucus is disgusted by her actions, except for Mitt Romney, Susan Collins, and Joe Manchin, who is still technically listed as a Democrat.

Case law says that anyone who sues Kyle Rittenhouse will themselves be sued because taters love nothing more than a good revenge lawsuit that will make some undeserving turd wealthy. For some reason.

The most likely outcome for this reporter will be another story about Kylke suing AOC for suing him. For 400 Gazillion dollars. And a Milky Way.

God Bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 182 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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