City of Kenosha Offers Rittenhouse $4 Million to Settle Out of Court

Kenosha is trying to get off easy. An unofficial spokesman for the municipality has told our reporter that Kyle Rittenhouse and his family have been offered $4 million for their “troubles.”

Attorneys for the family have refused to comment, but a lawyer for Kyle’s neighbor, Chuck, told us that he’s unlikely to settle at this time:

“Right now Kyle is banking from GoFundMe and other sources, as scores of dozens of eager patriots flock to send him cash. Killing Antifas is very popular. It doesn’t look like Kyle will need to settle for anything less than $400 million, which they tell us would bankrupt the town.”

That’s not Kyle’s problem, now, is it, patriots? Heck no!

Kyle went there to render aid. The fact that the opportunity to kill Antifas came up was just a bonus. Now that the court has released him and he can never be tried for it again, we can just call it what it was: a solid hunt.

Kyle doesn’t need to settle, Kenosha. Kyle is set for life. Kyle is even better off than George Zimmerman, because Kyle killed white people who were on BLM’s side.

$4 million. Psssssssh. Kyle will be able to get that for his first round of autographed Christmas ornaments.

God Bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 161 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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