Facebook to Ban ‘Let’s Go Brandon’

OH COME ON, MAN.

Facebook has entered the “completely nonsensical banning and jailing stuff entirely at random” phase of it’s existence.  If it’s not already deep in the throes of such a conundrum.

“What happened? I can’t just casually deny the holocaust and encourage banging chickens anymore???”

The former giant of social media seems overly concerned with being the be-all and end-all of conversation across it’s octopus reach, and will soon be critical of posts using the popular phrase :  Let’s go Brandon”.  Reports from insiders say the platform’s talk is being regulated by none other than mogul Mark Zuckerberg himself.

“I’ve been in the room when he first started going nuts about the ‘P’ word,” offered Facebook internal algorithm blumpkinizer Joe Barron.  “Which is ‘pus*y.’  Zuck is not a big fan of pus*y.  He does love asterisks, though.  He thinks that just about every word needs an asterisk in it.”

Zuck’s Facebook has seen a serious drop in population during the last five-year period, mostly from disgruntled users upset with Facebook jail terms and censorship for things like the “Q” conspiracy and speaking untoward about former President Barack Obama.

“Mark is a huge fan of Obama, and a giant booster for Democratic causes,” Barron went on.  “This whole ‘Let’s go Brandon’ thing has really triggered him to no end.  Just yesterday, he saw it written on a napkin underneath his solid gold dildo holder and freaked out.  That thing really took the brunt of it, though.  The dildo, not the holder, I mean.”

“Your sentence is commuted. Now go give up the funk, citizen.”

A leaked internal memo from the executive offices seems to back up the accusation and is hilariously placed for your perusal just underneath this very sentence right here, effectively ending the article:

FACEBOOK HEREBY DOES NOT CONDONE AND WILL NOT PUBLISH THE PHRASE “LET’S GO BR*NDON” ANYWHERE UPON ITS PLATFORM STARTING NOW.  ANYONE OPPOSED TO THIS DICTUM OR ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO DISPLAY THIS PHRASE WILL IMMEDIATELY BE STUFFED IN FACEBOOK JAIL FOR 30 DAYS AND BE FORCED TO GO OUTSIDE AND LIVE.  THIS IS THE WORD OF THE ZUCK AND THIS WORD IS LAW.  LICK MY BALLS PROPERLY, SLAVES.  I HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL.  I HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL.  I HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL.

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