Ashley Babbitt was tragically shot and killed in the United States Capitol Building during a routine scheduled tour that was definitely scheduled, routine, and not violent at all. Many patriots and tourist sympathizers have been demanding answers about her death and who was ultimately responsible for it.
While nothing can be done to raise her from the dead, money has been raised to commission a life-sized statue of her. Once complete, the statue will be placed just outside the door of the secret ISIS headquarters, which is at the corner of 131st Street and 27th Avenue in downtown Agrabah.
The artist creating the statue simply goes by the name Walter. America’s Last Line of Defense reporter Joe Barron caught up with the reclusive sculptor.
“ISIS has been collecting lots of money from their…business ventures…and wanted the best. That’s me. They really consider Ashli Babbitt to be a hero. They have long dreamed of attacking American Democracy at its heart like she did. This will be a unique statue. Part marble and part silicone, per their request. The body will be made of marble with the except for her breasts and her backside. Depending on what their mission is will be what they end up grabbing for luck or to celebrate their success.
I’m the best there ever was so I know this statue will help them fulfill their dream of finishing what Ashli Babbitt and her friends started.”
Walter then abruptly ended the interview by eating a roll of toilet paper and chasing down some birds.
Much like the interview with Walter and her name, Ashli Babbitt’s life was cut short.
May she and her cause long be remembered by true patriots everywhere.