Depending on circumstances, the state of the nation, and personality traits, the responsibilities of the First Lady of the United States differ greatly from term to term. One thing Dr. Jill Biden has in common with her predecessor Melanie Trump, is a critical eye for the details of interior design.
While the former resident of 1600 Pennsylvania avenue prided herself in digging around in rose gardens like an untrained cocker spaniel and making Christmas look like a scene from “The Wicker Man”, the current keeper of the flame has concentrated on aesthetics, and one eyesore that’s on the deportation list is the antique “Resolute desk” in the oval office.
Originally constricted from the timbers of the H.M.S. Resolute as a gift to President Rutheford B. Hayes, the desk has sat in place through nearly every President, except Trump, who was unable to fit his enormous bulk into it’s shape.
White House maintenance head Joe Barron says the desk is due for the garbage heap anyway, and Dr. Biden is very insistent.
“It’s a piece of wooden furniture that’s one-hundred and thirty years old. The bottom legs are completely warped from Reagan wetting himself a number of times while in fugue states behind it, and Trump’s first attempts to sit there cracked open the base and infested the entire piece with genital crabs. It’s long overdue for removal.”
Inside sources claim Dr. Biden has been browsing IKEA catalogues online for a replacement, and intends to have her husband’s name carved permanently into the front, in order to emphasize his historic electoral ass-beating of disgraced former President Trump.
As per the brainy first lady, the desk is due to be burned completely to ash sometime next week, and will be sent to the family of deceased talk radio host Rush Limbaugh to be used as stuffing for his gigantic decomposing ass. Excelsior!