CNN Poll Gives Biden Grade of 9.4 Out of 10

In a new poll directed by news organization CNN, President Joe Biden has received his most confidence-boosting grade yet. Of all respondents responding as Democrat, Republican, and Independent, America’s follow-up to the embarrassment of Donald Trump has garnered a 9.4 out of 10, the highest approval rating since Barack Obama’s first term with a 9.6.

“I BLAME THOSE NUMBERS ON ANTIFA!”

Biden is certainly hitting a home run across the nation with his strategy of actually giving a shit about American citizens dying from the Trump plague, a key weakness in his former 2020 rival’s platform.  Although Trump was vaguely responsible for the “Warp Speed” program, consisting of making a phone call to the front desk at Pfizer Pharmaceuticals and mumbling: “Hurry up”, he more or less abandoned the entire issue while thousands expired, to concentrate on feeding his dangerously stupid cult bullshit about “stolen elections” and imaginary “dead voters.”

A similar poll from the network last year gave Trump a grade of 1.8, which only got that high because Wal-Mart had a sale on “Jitterbug” phones the month it was running, and because many Trump supporters pressed both the “1” and “2” buttons simultaneously, attempting to enter in a “12”.

CNN Fema Camp Correspondent Joe Barron broke down what the results of the poll could reveal from his post in front of the Phoenix game at a local Dave and Busters arcade.

“Phoenix is far better than it’s follow-up Pleidis, people.  Anyway, it seems President Biden is really crushing it during his first month, hitting hard to reverse the damage his morbidly obese predecessor caused and actually taking action against the pandemic.  It’s called ‘leadership’, people, and it’s been sorely missed for the last four years.  Hold on, I’m gonna get the 6 million point bonus for shooting 3 birds in a row on screen 7.  Nope, missed it.  Back to you, Fallis.”

Arcade security STILL hasn’t addressed the issue of punk kids running by and slapping the SHIELD button, dammit!

Thanks Joe. This boost seems not to be unexpected by Trump’s legion of toilet floaters who all believe that CNN is “fake news” despite being able to show a single example of why.  I suppose that will leave many of them batting a 0.0.

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