Head of Housekeeping: ‘Biden’s Pets Are Destroying The White House’

Our History Is Going to the Dogs

Over the course of our nation’s history, there have been many four-legged residents of the White House. And, admittedly, many haven’t had the best of manners.

Eisenhower had a dog who was ill-mannered at the dinner table. The first Bush had a cat who shed so much, housekeepers had to vacuum its favorite chair twice per day to keep up.

However, none have ever compared to the beasts who are currently in the White House.

Josephine Barron, Head of Housekeeping at the White House emailed her testimony directly, so as not to be overheard talking about it by a nosey eavesdropper (Jill).

“Oh, these animals are just awful. The one big dog. He’s just a thug. He has already destroyed the couch once owned by Ronald Reagan. The other dog crotched Mamie Eisenhower’s thong! It was the last one in the archive. Well, you know, since Malia stole that one and pawned it in Brussels. We never did get it back.

Worse yet, their cat is peeing all over the house. There isn’t enough baking soda and vinegar to neutralize those smells. We may have to call Jackson Galaxy on this one.”

So, what are the Bidens doing about their ill-behaved pets? NOTHING.

“Mamie was known for her ‘Mamie pink’ clothing. She would be crushed to learn the fate of her underpants.”

Absolutely nothing.

They are pet owners who think their pets’ poo doesn’t stink. They let these animals get away with anything they want. And, since the White House isn’t their house, they don’t really care what damage is caused. This is why landlords don’t let renters have pets.

Rand Paul is taking the issue to the floor.

“You know, when they moved in, they didn’t even put up a pet deposit. At the very least, this president and future presidents should have to provide a pet deposit — a standard operating procedure and a very common regulation placed on people who rent a property. It is really the least they could do.”

So far, the Biden’s are denying any of the fictional damage talked about in this story. Well, except the crotching of Mamie’s thong. That totally happened.

About Norbert Heck 13 Articles
There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand. You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel. So long, Dott.

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