The name Stormy Daniels is known throughout the country as the traitor who lied about having an affair with our dear leader, President Donald J. Trump. The adult film actress has now reported a life-changing event: she has accepted Jesus Christ as her personal savior.
Not only that, but she has also recanted her damning story about having had an affair with impeached President Donald J. Trump. It never happened!
Most God-fearing patriotic Americans never believed her to begin with, especially because the affair allegedly happened when Trump was already married to Melania Trump. And who would cheat on that gorgeous woman? Not Trump, that’s for sure!
After the story of Stormy Daniels’ cringeworthy sexual encounters with Trump came out, numerous missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints eagerly volunteered to make it their personal goal to convert her to Mormonism and save her soul.
Yes, patriots, these fine young men visited with her daily, wearing their short-sleeved dress shirts and name tags, and carrying extra bottles of hand lotion and tissues in their standard-issue Mormom backpacks.
The lead missionary, Joe Barron, declared, “There were five of us who took turns having a go at her. She took each one of us in willingly and accepted us with open, um, arms. We talked and talked, often exclaiming ‘oh god’ when things got super intense. In the end, she said, ‘OK, OK. I give in. I’ll tell everyone that I lied about Donald.'”
Stormy Daniels has a different version of the conversion story: “These young men were very sweet and my Mama taught me to always be polite to visitors. They could rarely get their eyes off my chest, though, and I finally got bored listening to their fairy tales so I gave in and promised to recant the whole thing.”
Face the facts, dear reader. Trump had sex — and paid for it — with a porn star while Melania was recovering from childbirth. He’s a swine.