As California suffers through another season of horrible wildfires brought on by not raking the forest floors, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and her family are devastated by the complete destruction of their 5,000-acre Napa Valley vineyard.
Their vineyard and winery, which has produced award-winning wines for the last century, was a total loss.
Now a smoldering ruin, the centerpiece of the Pelosi family’s wealth is completely worthless. To add insult to injury, their insurance company has already refused to cover the loss.
Joe Barron, the CEO of Suqqah Insurance and a prominent GOP donor, said Pelosi missed her payment deadline by 17 hours one time in 1986, which is enough reason to not cover the loss in 2020.
“If she weren’t such a late-payment scofflaw, we would have written the check already. But we only cover responsible people, not ne’er-do-wells like the Speaker of the House,” Barron chortled.
Nancy Pelosi immediately left Washington and flew across the country at taxpayer expense in a rented supersonic Concorde jet to survey the devastation. She then chartered a private helicopter — also at taxpayer expense — to fly her from San Francisco to Napa.
“This is the saddest day of my entire life. Even worse than when Trump won. This is going to reduce my family’s net worth by millions, and now I’ll have to steal more money from Social Security to maintain the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed,” cried Speaker Pelosi as she sat at a nearby diner, alone, outside and wearing a mask, as required by California law.
As Pelosi is known to be a raging alcoholic, she was later spotted banging on the door of a shuttered dive bar. The owner, a guy named Red who lives in a trailer out back, took pity on the Speaker and let her in to have a few shots at 7:00 am.
“Everyone deserves to get drunk on the day they go broke,” Red said.
Let’s see how many people revel in the Speaker’s loss.