A truly earth-shattering, history-altering document has been found in the National Archives. The fifth page of the United States Constitution was discovered in a locked filing cabinet, and its contents are shocking.
In a discovery that will undoubtedly change the course of United States politics for the rest of the time, an addendum to the Constitution allows the President of the United States to simply remove the Speaker of the House, for any reason at all.
For nearly two and a half centuries, historians had wondered why there was an asterisk after the part of the Constitution that defines impeachment and what counts as a high crime or misdemeanor. And now they know.
A low-level janitor, Stephen Krumm, was rifling through a long-forgotten storage room, looking for snacks and a clue, when he used his handy bolt cutters to break into a 1780s-era filing cabinet.
He found a dead rat, a lock of George Washington’s hair, and Page Five of the Constitution, which reads,
“In addition to impeachment by the House and conviction by the Senate, the President of the United States may also remove at the whim of the Speaker of the House, but only if the Speaker is from the other political party, only if the Speaker of the House is a woman, and only if the President at the time is a demented narcissist suffering from dementia.”
It’s the trifecta the Founders envisioned, isn’t it?
Let’s see…the Speaker of the House is a Democrat and the impeached President is a Republican. Check.
The Speaker of the House is Nancy Pelosi, a woman from California. Check.
And the President is most definitely a demented narcissist suffering from dementia. Check.
Was Nostradamus one of the signers? How did the Founders envision this day?
Pelosi’s spokeswoman, Sandy Batt, said Pelosi is cackling with glee because she misunderstood and thinks she has newfound power, which she intends to exercise as soon as possible.