Biden Makes It Official: ‘I Will Not Debate President Trump’

There is been much speculation recently that Democrat candidate Joe Biden would not participate in a debate with President Trump as he is well aware of his inability to perform well against a master debater such as our president. He would be right to think that, and it seems that the speculation was correct.

Speaking with his staff from his hiding place, which is his home’s basement, Biden indicated to them that he wanted nothing to do with facing off against Trump. His explanation, we’re told, was very straightforward – he is scared. Terrified, in fact.

The call was recorded by one staffer who is our very own secret “man inside”. Young Joe Barron offered to provide us with information on the Biden campaign as long as we kept his identity secret, a promise we have kept faithfully.

On the recording, Biden describes the extent of his terror:

“If you think I’m going to face him, you’re dancing at the wrong hoedown, you diesel-pumpin’ gopher gobbler! That man may be orange, but he’s smart! He knows stuff! So you just cool your heels, you milk-swillin’ son of a peach basket. I’m staying as far away from him as possible.

When I think about facing off against that man, I feel like a tap dancin’ belly wobbler! My whole body starts a-shaken’ and I get sweatier than a yellow-bellied gravy guzzler! It ain’t a good time.

I’d have to be a booger pickin’ zozzle monster to be lame-brained to go on stage with a Wharton School genius! I’m out.”

This decision on the part of Joe Biden clearly shows his lack of confidence. He doesn’t know enough of what’s going on in this country to be able to offer any intelligent, informed insight.

Biden doesn’t know much of anything it seems. And a man who won’t debate should not be president.

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