Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the well-known un-American Socialist of New York, has demanded that all voters over the age of 65 take a cognitive test before they’re allowed to vote in the Presidential election this fall.
What an outrage! Why should old people have to prove that they still have enough brainpower to walk and chew gum at the same time before they vote?
It’s a well-known fact that old people are responsible for electing our dear leader, impeached President Donald Jackass Trump, in 2016. So to help avoid another f*cking disaster in 2020, it’s time for us to thin the voting pool among the 65+ set.
Trump told the world that he aced his cognitive test, repeating the words, “Person, man, woman, TV, camera” multiple times — IN ORDER — like the intellectual ninja that he is.
Representative Alexia O’Connor-Coroner said her test would be relatively simple, just difficult enough to weed out the old folks who are barely functioning. You know, the ones who were stupid enough to vote for Trump the first time around.
The words that old farts will be required to repeat, in order, to receive their ballot are: “potato, fries, tots, hash browns, mashed taters.”
It really shouldn’t be that difficult for them to repeat these words, considering the fact that they’re complete potatoes themselves.
Dr. Angus McDougal, a world-renowned historian of voting rights, said he’s usually not a fan of any kind of limits on voting rights, but in this case, he’s all in.
“These people are stupid. Really, really stupid. Let’s keep them away from the ballots to make 100 percent sure we won’t have a repeat of 2016.”
Sandy Batt, a spokeswoman for Representative Alexa Octagon-Cortex, commented,
“This cognitive test is for the safety of our entire country. Old people have to take a driving test to prove they can still drive. This is just like that. Don’t drive us off a cliff.”
Bonus: Trump will have to take the test to vote for himself.