Clinton Referred to As ‘President’ At Dem Convention


Although this year’s Democratic National Convention was a virtual event due to the pandemic crisis, it cleaned up in the ratings and was seen by millions of people.  One if it’s star speakers, Secretary of State and Senator Hillary Clinton was easily the biggest draw of the day, garnering four standing ovations.  Clinton was introduced by master of ceremonies Joe Barron as : “The ACTUAL President of the United States”, and strutted onstage to “Hail to the Chief” blaring from dozens of huge speakers streamed over the internet on HD audio.

Billionaire Bill Gates set the whole system up, which will also automatically activate mini-cameras in every American bathroom.

Although her candidacy against Donald Trump in 2016 ended in a loss, Clinton jovially referred to herself as “Your President” during her speech at the event, and was cheered at each iteration.  The much-more-competent and qualified figure won the popular vote during the election by millions of votes, meaning that far more Americans actually supported her overall than the current brain-addled shitblaster.

Trump and his ball-slathering followers excuse the technical defeat by claiming that all of those votes were somehow “illegal”, which is about as likely and realistic as Melania Trump being her class valedictorian.  Historically, many cults believe everything their leader babbles, even when it makes them sound dumber than a Christian explaining why the morbidly obese Presidick is Godly for cheating on his pregnant wife and showering in hooker urine.

“You are doing well, Borscht Vat. Now text me the missle codes. I will fill up your hookers with Apple juice.”

Clinton noted that her undoing was the electoral college, an outdated system intended to soothe the southern states after the civil war when they figured out that most of their voting-age populace were blacks and, at the time, unable to participate.  She referred to the current southern Republicans as : “Buck-toothed evolutionary mutants”, and clarified that she had only used the term “deplorables” to stop herself from saying “douchebags” out loud.

The candidate, and some say “President”, left the stage to applause and cheers, soon boarding a luxury jet back to her home in New York, where she will relax and never go to “jail” for the imaginary “crimes” many trumptards have invented for her.  God save the queen, they say.  And that queen is Hillary.