Real Americans Are Turning Their Back on Sports and Back to God

Kneel for the cross and stand for the flag!

Real Americans, the Christian, conservative hard-working Americans, are done with the kneeling and pandering from major sports. Good people, the backbone of real America, are fed up with the garbage being forced on them from NASCAR, Major League Baseball, and especially the national football league. Many are switching off the tv and opening up their bibles.

These God-fearing patriots are disgusted seeing these so-called athletes kneel for our anthem. How dare they not honor our nation’s most beautiful song? Because they’re godless ingrates. That’s why. And our most patriotic citizens know it. They should kneel at the cross, not at the flag. Real Americans love Jesus. They love the flag. And they look like real Americans. And most importantly, they love our president. And if they don’t, it’s obvious that they are communist socialists who hate America.

“Jesus died for us, and Trump lives for us,” many say that have turned their backs on sports. They are spending more time with their families, mostly plotting on how to bury them in the back yard.

“I love Jesus and all, and o voted for Trump, but I never realized how much I dislike these people I live with,” says Joseph Barron, a married man with 6 children. “I never knew children were so loud and obnoxious, they were always drowned out by the football games.”

Barron also lamented that his wife was an even bigger pain in the ass now.

Now that they aren’t watching sports, they’re trying their hands at fishing, hiking, biking, and other activities to pass the time. Many have stitched up fingers because they’ve never wormed a hook before, and many others realize that leaving their couches and hiking could be so strenuous and painful. After a diet mainly consisting of wings and Doritos, they’re realizing maybe a few players kneeling wasn’t so bad after all.

But some will persist because the president they love told them that the players are nothing but “sons of bitches” and they agree. They will boycott sitting on the couch drinking gallons of Mountain Dew and pounds of Doritos. They will pretend to like their families. And thanks to smartphones, they can keep up with the scores while sitting in church every Sunday, quietly watching their favorite teams lose yet another game.

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