Legend Reggie Jackson To Dedicate BLM Statue in D.C.

WHAT???

This coming weekend, the day will come when “Mr. October” takes a stand for a controversial cause that has many baseball fans and patriots crying foul.

Sunday afternoon, in Washington D.C.’s venerable Sandy Batt Park, just two blocks from the Lincoln Memorial, a privately-funded statue commemorating the heroic deeds and outreach of the Black Lives Matter movement will be officially unveiled and dedicated in a public ceremony.  Jackson will lead the event as main speaker and honored grand master, expected to draw crowds numbering in the hundreds of thousands.

Those numbers may suffer a bit due to the long-awaited wedding ceremony of Hall and Oates at a Jewish Community Center nearby.

Jackson achieved legendary status in American baseball during his time with teams including Kansas City, the Oakland Athletics, and the New York Yankees, and among lesser-known previous minor league franchises such as the Melaniaville Blumpkins, the East Cleveland Sad Sacks, and Canadian expansion league upstarts The Hamilton Ice Dongs.  Jackson’s record was famously marred by a sports-gambling scandal that many people pretended they cared about, and then forgot because during that time, someone shot J.R. and left every American housewife’s vagina quivering with suspense for an entire summer.

Meanwhile, nobody gave a shit when Kitt and Micheal went to the edge to defeat their evil nemesis Karr. And nobody ended up tripping balls in a shower at the end.

The statue, which is carved entirely out of cubic zirconia at an expense of over four hundred and sixty dollars, features the likeness of African American civil rights hero John Cutter, a police officer and former secret service agent portrayed by Wesley Snipes in the motion picture “Passenger 57.”  Cutter’s character inspired countless black youths to participate in self-defense classes proving that minorities could also use karate, and briefly added millions of dollars to economies in Las Vegas, Nevada and Atlantic City, New Jersey, by convincing a generation of gamblers to “always bet on black.”

Joining Jackson on stage will be a host of other sympathetic celebrities including botany-enthusiast Snoop Dogg, former S.H.I.E.L.D. Director Nick Fury, and rapper Vanilla Ice, who has volunteered to be dangled from the roof of a high-rise structure to raise awareness for the cause.  It certainly sounds like a triple-header that everyone will want to watch while chomping on a bag of hot salted penis.

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