President-Elect-To-Be Joseph Biden has made his first Supreme Court-related announcement, throwing plenty of good news to his Democratic base and making many conservatives’ heads explode. He has vowed to remake the Supreme Court, expanding it from its current nine justices to a total of 12.
With the stroke of a pen on January 20, 2021, Biden will grow the liberal wing of the court from a group of four to a group of seven, thus guaranteeing that every important case will be decided in favor of the liberals. Expecting that conservatives will bellow loudly about precedent and other such concepts that they have ignored for years, Biden pointed out that the size of the court has varied over time, and Congress has the power to change the makeup of the court. So there.
Not satisfied with simply announcing his plan to add justices to the court, Biden also announced the names of his new Supreme Court appointments: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Elizabeth Warren. And wait, it gets even better. Rumor has it that John Roberts, Chief Justice of the United States, has decided to quit his Chief-ness and return to life as the Postmaster General of Little Neck, Wyoming.
Which leads me to the next piece of amazing news. The new Chief Justice of the United States will be none other than Barack Hussein Obama. Yes, patriots, Obama is on the way back, and with the Senate definitely landing back in full control of the Democrats, his nomination is guaranteed to be confirmed on Day One of Biden’s presidency. It’s a slam dunk.
“I owe my presidency to Barack. He’s my friend, he’s my mentor, and now he’ll be our Chief Justice,” said Biden. “And, to everyone who says I’m going to lose, I say neener-neener. I’m going to crush Trump like the teeny little bug that he is.”
A girl can dream.