As the deadly pandemic spikes in states across America, Representative Ilhan Omar has proposed a novel solution. Not satisfied with a simple requirement for a basic face mask, Omar has called for all American women to wear a burqa to limit the spread of the virus.
This is an outrage! It’s Sharia law, in the United States!
Yes, patriots, she wants all red-blooded American females over the age of 11 to don a full-length body covering that reveals nothing of the woman underneath except her eyes, and, if she’s feeling flirty, perhaps an ankle or a fingertip.
Omar said, “We need to do everything possible to protect ourselves and each other from this deadly virus. A traditional burqa will keep the virus from spreading. Wearing a burqa doesn’t have anything to do with religion.
In this case, it would be worn for health reasons. Public safety demands creative solutions to the virus that we’re facing, and this is most definitely a creative solution that will make taters’ heads explode nationwide.”
Omar’s spokesman, Joe Barron, acknowledged that people of a certain political persuasion will object to this proposal before even giving it a chance. “We are totally, 100 percent, absolutely not trying to slowly sneak in Sharia law while people are preoccupied with the cratering economy, the virus, the upcoming election, and being bored out of their minds during lockdown. We’re just trying to do the right thing to protect people,” he said when asked about the idea.
“Once again, this has nothing to do with letting Sharia law creep into our American way of life. Nope. Not at all,” he added, for good measure.
On a related note, when this plan was announced, Amazon started a new offering in its fashion section: burqas meant to flatter the female figure, all while protecting the wearer and those around her from the virus. It’s a win-win, and we can’t wait to see what a figure-flattering burqa looks like.