John Bolton Indicted After Spilling Trump’s Secrets in New Book

Indicted for telling Trump's secrets!

Former National Security Advisor and all-American patriot John Wilford Brimley Bolton has been indicted by the 14th Circuit Court for violating US Civil Code 420.69 — which prohibits publishing anything that makes President Donald J. Trump look bad.

Judge Joe Barron, appointed to the 14th Circuit by former president and current traitor Barack Hussein Obama, stepped outside his usual role as a tormentor of Trump and upholder of the law to issue the indictment.

“The First Amendment goes only so far in the protection of free speech. This book makes Trump look bad, which is expressly prohibited by U.S. Civil Code 420.69. This code was updated to supersede that pesky Constitution thingie and allow the indictment and probably the conviction of people who write or say things that hurt Trump’s precious fee-fees.”

It may seem odd that a civil code can override the rights granted to all Americans in the Constitution, but it works because it was written during a lame-duck session of Congress when Mitch McConnell may or may not have been molting his shell and wasn’t paying attention.

Anywho, back to John Bolton. His book reveals all sorts of salacious details about the Trump family and Trump presidency, including the fact that son Barron was conceived with donor sperm from a really hot and unfathomably tall albino basketball player, Ivanka had plastic surgery to make herself more sexually appealing to her papa, and Tiffany is going to change her last name to Smith as soon as her father slithers out of office in January 2021.

The book continues to say that Bolton overheard Trump admitting that he really did sexually assault those dozens of women who accused him of doing so.

“Yeah, I did it. Why wouldn’t I? I’m a sexual magnet and chicks dig me, even the ugly ones,” Trump said.

All we can say is, EW.

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