‘Recall Governor Newsom’ Qualifies for November Ballot in California

Kick him out of office!

Even though Gavin Newsom was elected Governor of California in a landslide just two short years ago, the people of the Golden State have had enough and they’re not going to take it anymore. A bunch of angry Trump supporters have launched a recall effort, and in just five days, they have collected the 5,000,000 signatures required for the recall to land on the November ballot.

Why do they want to recall him?

Well, the most important issue is his family. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is his aunt, and he is so frightened of her that he wakes up every hour on the hour, to check his texts and emails for any drunken messages from crazy Aunt Nancy. He knows that if he doesn’t reply quickly, the besotted relative will then fill up his voicemail with slurred messages about socialism and George Soros and other completely believable topics.

Furthermore, he’s just too handsome to be governor. Think about it: he demanded that everyone in the state wear a mask except for himself! He’s too vain to cover his handsome face with a mask.

Virus, shmirus, he says, and goes about his day, breathing freely, while the rest of us struggle behind a single ply of fabric.

The third reason to recall him: socialism. You see, most old people in the state hate socialism. They’re terrified of it and they know it’s a horrible thing, but they lack the knowledge to define it or explain why they don’t like it. Instead, they call everything they don’t like “socialism” and tell young people to go back to their parents’ basement. Could it be that they’re easily manipulated and have been suckered into believing right-wing talking points? Nah, that couldn’t be it.

California residents, be sure to register to vote, so you can take place in this once-in-a-lifetime attempt to recall a California governor.**

**Just kidding. This is the 51st attempt to recall a governor, and only one has been successful. The other two attempts to recall Newsom failed spectacularly.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply