Trump to Re-fund All Police Departments

On Friday, the man, Donald “Bunker” Trump, signed an executive order to re-fund all police departments in the contiguous United States after numerous liberal mayors and governors have pulled all funding for their police departments.

The reasoning? Well, we asked our White House correspondent, Steve “I’m a dog, hoomans” Castle, who had this to say:

“This hooman is really, really dumb. Trump’s reasoning is that we’re in so much debt nationally, what’s a little more debt? We can fund violent police and subjugate people of color, which is in Trump’s wheelhouse. Also, I’m a good boy.”

There’s been a growing trend recently to defund police departments. The theory is that other services can be utilized in lieu of using the police; for example, having social workers handle domestic violence calls instead of officers of the law.

While there hasn’t been any solid research done on the effectiveness of this practice, the theory is sound. Police won’t “go away,” they will simply be asked to do less and to focus on more pressing causes. Sorta sounds like a no brainer.

Some on the right, however, think that this means that folks want to abolish the police. This is due to having a third-grade education from states that don’t value quality learning.

The same people think that the Earth is flat, or that monogamy is a type of wood, or that immigrants are taking their jobs. Simply put, these people are stupid and shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

Nevertheless, we don’t live in “Should Land,” and these people do vote. Bigly. They bigly voted for the one man that, above all else, is so rampantly stupid that you cannot put it into words.

Of course, the Federal government cannot fund police departments, as they are funded by taxpayer dollars, so this executive order is going nowhere. When pressed about this, Trump simply said “bigly calmer than you are, possibly the most calm person ever, from the standpoint of calmness,” which honesty is the smartest thing he’s ever said, which is saying a lot.

What remains to be seen, however, is what exactly the next phase of law enforcement looks like. Who’s going to racially profile people of color now? Huh? Well, the entire South will still do that, but you sorta saw that coming.

About Blaine Pullcepper 32 Articles
Milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, hE’s sThiLl yEr pReZsDeNcE is made.

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