Maxine Waters Demands New Hip-Hop Version of National Anthem

Sacrilege!

Taking advantage of this moment of national strife about race relations in the United States, Congresswoman Maxine Waters (Socialist of California) has demanded that the National Anthem be updated. How would one attempt to improve upon such a holy, sacred piece of music?

Make it hip-hop! Yes, patriots, Representative Waters wants to change the song that has warmed the hearts and sent tingles of patriotism to the nether regions of legions of Americans since 1814, when Francis Scott Key wrote his poem about Americans kicking ass and dropping bombs and flags waving and other very American events.

“It’s time for a new version of our National Anthem, updated to reflect the demands of Black Lives Matter and white liberals who are riddled with guilt about our country’s racist history,” announced Representative Waters in her hometown of Bee Ell Emm, California. “I have approached Beyoncé, Snoop Dog, and Eminem about contributing to a new version of the Star Spangled Banner. I threw Eminem in the mix as a bone for the white racists, by the way.”

New versions of the song will be recorded by Beyoncé and posted on YouTube in July so the public can weigh in on their favorite choice. The winning version will be turned into a music video by producer Sandy Batt, known for working with Spike Lee and other notable African-American directors and writers. Ms. Batt has already announced that she will cast Beyoncé in the lead role in her video, regardless of which version wins.

The video debut will be followed by none other than Queen Bey herself performing the 21st-century version of the National Anthem on the opening night of the Democratic National Convention in August in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Be sure to sign in to vote on your favorite version of the new song. This is your chance to influence history being rewritten.

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