Judge Jeanine Pirro is a pillar of virtue, a stalwart supporter of our blessed President Donald Trump, and a fierce protector of all of our rights. At least, she has been. Until this morning, when she announced that she is turning her back on our beloved president.
“I took an oath to the Constitution* when I signed on at Fox News and swore to uphold all Republicans through thick and thin. Today, I fell getting out of the shower, hit my head on the heated towel rack, and lost consciousness. When I came to, I was confused about who I was and where I was. I Googled myself and nearly threw up. I’m done with this sh*t,” Judge Pirro announced on her show.
She then ripped her mic off her blouse, straightened her pencil skirt, and stomped daintily out of the news studio for the last time, yelling, “Trump is a cancer and he deserves to lose in November!”
Rupert Murdoch stopped ogling an 18-year-old intern long enough to comment, “She was getting a little old and wrinkly anyway. And she’s a brunette. We need more bleached blondes in our lineup, so we’ll be inviting any malleable, easily manipulated ‘judges’ to my casting couch starting tomorrow.”
When reached for comment, Judge Pirro’s spokeswoman Sandy Batt said, “That heated towel rack finally brought her to her senses. She used to have integrity, then she swallowed the right-wing talking points hook, line, and sinker. Maybe she’ll get a job at MSNBC now. And she promises she won’t show up drunk on air on her next network.”
Judge Jeanine’s loyal fans are said to be distraught now that their stable of brainwashed right-wing talking heads has been reduced by one. In an anonymous email to Judge Jeanine, a particularly incensed Trump-loving traitor said, “How dear [sic] you abandun [sic] us? What if Trump looses [sic] because of you?”
Is this the beginning of the end for Trump’s support among Fox watchers?
*The Constitution of the Fox Stations of America, not the real one