As most of you all have heard by now, the greatest crime in history has taken place, the ransacking and looting of an innocent Target store in Minneapolis. This was obviously bad enough, but the plot thickens, as none other than Michelle Obama was there, leading her army of looters into battle.
Our undercover reporter Joe Barron, of the Dunning-Kruger Times, gave us his account of the scene:
“Man oh man was it nuts. You had all these people breaking windows. You had undercover cops inciting violence, you had killers. Well, same thing really.
Hell, you even had Michelle Obama.
There was truly something there for everyone. I asked her what she was doing there and she said that she was ‘living rent-free in the minds of boomers.’
I’m not quite sure what that meant, but it probably had something to do with communism. But yeah, it was a horrible scene. It looked like something from the Purge movies.”
This is very troubling indeed. Having a former First Lady incite a revolution against police brutality has never happened before, therefore it is bad. President Trump has already pledged to launch an investigation into Michelle Obama for her role in inciting the riots, and an arrest is expected to be made within the week.
How are we to make progress as a nation of we stray from the great ways that got us here. America doesn’t need to change, these rioters do. They want to take our greatness away. We won’t allow it.