As we all know, California has the best milk and cheese in the nation. Not to besmirch the fine people of Wisconsin, but their dairy prowesses are lacking, to say the least.
In an act of defiance and to flex their farmer’s muscle, the hillbillys in Wisconsin think wearing masks in public is oppression. Their backwoods mentality is reflected in the sourness of their milk. About the only good thing about Wisconsin is that it’s close to Chicago.
Since native Wisconsins have to publicly protesting their state’s order to wear a mask in public, Nancy Pelosi is using her political standing by withholding precious funding that the state needs, as Wisconsin perpetually runs at a deficit.
Doing this solely to run Wisconsin dry of dairy so her state can have a milk monopoly, Pelosi made a simple request: wear a mask and get that cash.
Our reporter in the field Matt “The Big Unit” Schreiber caught up with California dairy lobbyist Pedro Paula of the Non-Industry Nation (NIN), who had this to say:
“Nancy’s not looking for the cure.
Nancy’s not concerned with the sick among the pure.
Nancy let’s go dancing on the backs of the bruised.
Nancy is not one to choose.
Again the drunken witch of the west strikes in the minds of the credulous.”
Which is probably one of the most bizarre statements we’ve ever received. Never one to be outdone, when asked any question regarding this matter, beer drinker and dairy lobbyist Sandy Batt said:
“Trump said, ‘Nancy can stick a cheesehead where the sun don’t shine.’”
It’s reasons like this that we typically stay as far away from Wisconsin as we can.
We’ll be waiting with baited cheesy breath to see if Wisconsin caves into Pelosi’s ludicrous demands. Nonetheless, this is going to be a sad day in The Cheese State, which is the lamest nickname for a state in the history of America.