Nancy Pelosi believes too many Americans are using their free government money as an excuse to remain on the couch. So, she called Michelle Obama for her fitness expertise. They devised a physical fitness test for all Americans who want any more government payouts.
Pelosi even snuck the test into the fourth stimulus bill.
The workout, developed by Obama, includes a 3-mile run, push-ups, weightlifting, and Jazzercise. Anyone who doesn’t pass these tests won’t see another dime from Uncle Sam.
Sandy Batt was the first to try the routine, and this is what she had to say:
“I almost died. There’s no way most Americans can pass this test. The 3-mile run was bad enough, but requiring a sweatband, calf-warmers, and an exercise thong for the Jazzercise portion was over the top. I mean, who looks good in that? I’m so sore, I can move, and there’s no way I’m getting a stimulus check because I couldn’t finish.”
But that was the whole idea, right? Pelosi is trying to weed out lazy Americans. We all know Pelosi isn’t passing that test, but she doesn’t need to. After all, she’s still getting a paycheck while the rest of us have to get moving.
The audacity of this woman is beyond belief. Not only has this day drinking teetotaler gone off her nut, but she’s pulled the Obamas back into government business.
She’ll watch from her seat in the house, drink in her hand, cackling at losers who won’t get any more money. That’s the lowest of the low.
How will she know who passes the test? All Americans are required to send in a VHS cassette of their test for review. Each tape will broadcast on closed-circuit television for house and senate votes. Test score letters will be delivered via owl post.
Given that many are on board with her proposal, Americans better start training.