‘Murder Hornets’ Renamed ‘Clinton Hornets’

New species are discovered every day. Biologists everywhere find exciting animals and bugs all the time.

Recently, a new hornet was discovered. They’re nearly two inches long, and have an aggressive temperament.

Much is still to be learned from these fascinating creatures, but their trademark is stinging people until their victim is dead. Some have deemed these new insects “Murder Hornets.”

However, a new development in this already groundbreaking story has occurred. A team of zoologists from Wakanda have suggested a new and somewhat heinous name for this species: the Clinton Hornet. The name suggestion is being considered as the victims of these ferocious stings have visible marks that cannot be explained via rational means, making them look like the ever-elusive and completely fictional “Clinton suicide.”

Professional entomologist and former Bud Light spokesdog Spuds MacKenzie had this to say about this development:

“Honestly, these bugs are terrifying. Not only will they sting you until you’re dead, but your death can not be explained, which automatically makes it a suicide.

Sound familiar?

Remember the pizza place that had a child slave ring in the basement? Linda Tripp?

Coincidentally, I have a YouTube channel explaining all of this. By the way, I’m a freaking dog.”

MacKenzie was also quick to point out that these hornets have a stinger the size of a small dog, and just one sting will leave a fully grown patriot paralyzed like FDR. Needless to say, ain’t nobody got time for that.

It remains to be seen what the Clintons think about this. We reached out to them for comment, but they were still in their secret lizard form, and we can’t afford a translator. Nonetheless, the vibe around e almost impenetrable Clinton Compound was very dour.

About Blaine Pullcepper 32 Articles
Milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, hE’s sThiLl yEr pReZsDeNcE is made.

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