Charles Manson is one of the most infamous men of the 20th Century, let alone of all time. He led a “family” of drugged-out liberals on a bloody rampage against other liberals in the late 1960s. He would receive a life sentence for these acts, and that was all undone as California Governor Gavin “Dang He’s So Handsome” Newsom pardoned the deceased Manson.
This quietly flew under the radar late last week, as everyone nationwide was enthralled in the nail-biting rollercoaster that was the NFL draft. Additionally, Newsom’s reasoning for the pardon is dubious at best.
Speaking on behalf of the governor’s office, former Bud Light spokesdog Spuds MacKenzie issued this statement:
“Our beloved socialist governor has deemed Manson’s debt to society repaid. Both Manson and our fearless leader Newsom both have strong communistic views, so really, this is sorta a no brainer if you think about it. Also, Sharon Tate was resurrected, but I bet you all done care about that. Pathetic.”
Outrage has yet to be fully seen yet, although a few hundred 40-somethings wearing gothic garb were seen rallying at the state capitol in Sacramento over the weekend. Chanting “Manson is God”, they kept on saying that “they were here only for Manson, as the opening band probably sucks”, which confused local inbreds who were out not practicing social distancing.
We’ll report back with any updates as they happen. As for now, hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your husbands, because they Manson-ing everybody out here.