Closeted Democrats have been relentlessly attempting to infiltrate society with their un-American ideas such as affordable education, health care, and treating women as if they are actual human beings.
Today, after a routine review of the Texas voter roll, our own intrepid team has discovered that the President of Baylor University, located deep in the heart of Texas, is a Democrat.
Baylor University is the premier Southern Baptist university in the world. Under Republican leadership, nothing bad has ever been connected with the campus or its students. No murders, no sexual assaults, no discrimination, nothing.
While standing in front of the permanently closed Chick-Fil-A on campus, Art Tubolls, janitor of the Science Shack, explained:
“I think they done one of them affirmative action things. We’s all patriots here. I had trust in Jesus Christ that He’d bring us someone good to be the President of the university but we got a Democrat instead. Makes me question a whole lot of things. Did Jesus bring us a Democrat? Is Jesus even real? Have I wasted my life going to church twice a year? I’m just so confused, man. A Democrat…Lord have mercy on us all.”
What’s next? Will this Democrat follow the devil and expand the science program to be bigger than a shack? Will our campus churches be torn to the ground? Will prayer be banned? Will we ever be able to get a chicken sandwich again?
The best way to God is through chicken sandwiches and the Republican Party. May the President of the formerly great Baylor University see that bringing back Chick-Fil-A, destroying the science program, and joining God’s party is the best thing for the university.