Early Friday, former President Obama tweeted out, as he is known to do, something so ridiculous that it made the country’s collective head spin. Obama asserted that patriots who drive trucks should not only have their licenses revoked but that they have “small thingies”.
America was built on the premise that every man who isn’t well endowed in the crotchal area has a right to substitute their lack of manhood via driving a lifted V8 monster truck to show the world that they are in fact a big man. What Obama has done is intellectually dishonest and, frankly, sorta mean.
CFO for General Motors and former Bud Light spokesdog Spuds MacKenzie issues a retort to this vile tweet late Friday afternoon:
“Listen, Obama obviously has never had the pleasure of driving a huge Johnson substitute in the middle of the woods with his sister-wife. There’s nothing more American than taking your minuscule unit, tucking it into the driver seat of a gas-guzzling boat sized vehicle, and then driving with complete disregard to traffic laws to the local honkey tonk to flirt with the waitress with three teeth held in with a retainer that’s also your cousin. Being from Kenya, it makes complete sense that he doesn’t get it.”
Thankfully he isn’t President anymore, as his words could have some actual real-world ramifications. Fortunately, we have a bigly smart President that has a tremendous brain, just the best brain, that would never infringe in our rights to let everyone know that we’re not packing heat — if you know what I mean. Is small Armadillo’d folks got to stick together. Check back here for breaking news on what has now been dubbed “Unit Gate”.