Starbucks to Reopen Only in Democrat Led States

Late Friday, Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson issued a statement, in which he plans on re-opening his companies cafes for business, but with one caveat: they will only reopen one states that have Democratic governors that do not back President Trump’s plan to reopen the country at large ASAP.

So far the nation hasn’t seen a massive corporation come out in support of the President, almost entirely due to his polarizing at time nature and his general ineptitude in running any type of business. Starbucks is the first, however, to double down on their liberal leanings and only open in blue states.

Memphis native and son of WWE Icon Jerry “The King” Lawler, Hankford Lawler, had this so say:

“We’ll spread my biscuit and call me Sally, this is the last plastic straw for me. I didn’t like those frou frou drinks from Starbucks anyway, but now I have to resort to doing the truly American thing and drinking only Four Lokos from now on. Nobody spits on my freedom like that and gets away with it.”

Considering Starbucks is based out of the bastion of liberal beliefs, Seattle, this move should come as no surprise. There’s also been rumors and innuendo that Starbucks will be debuting a Trump-inspired tea drink called “ImPeach And Mint”, but that could not be confirmed at press time.

Needless to say, we would suggest being on the lookout for Dunkin Donuts to start opening in the remaining patriotic states any day now. America does run on Dunkin, after all.

About Blaine Pullcepper 27 Articles
Milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, hE’s sThiLl yEr pReZsDeNcE is made.

1 Comment

  1. WELL NO MORE STARBUCKS FOR ME. I DO NOT GO TO OTHER STATES I HAVE ALL I NEED HERE. FILDER’S DOES GOOD COFFEE ENOUGH FOR AFTER CHURCH OR IF I WANT.

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