In another crushing blow for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the nation’s most conservative court has accepted a class-action lawsuit against her to recoup the costs of her ill-fated impeachment of President Donald Jebediah Trump. The 69th Court of Economic Righteousness agreed to hear the case on an expedited basis, setting the stage for oral arguments to start next week.
This decision, following Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s demand that she deliver $50 million to him on Friday, means that Speaker Pelosi will be consumed with defending herself in the historic lawsuit and will not be able to campaign at all for her reelection.
Chief Justice Sandy Batt said, “This is an unprecedented lawsuit. Never in American history has an elected official faced a class-action lawsuit like this. But hardworking, taxpaying, Trump-loving American citizens have the right to be heard. We will weigh all the evidence and decide if she must pay back all the money she took from Social Security to pay for this charade. I mean, this impeachment. I’m impartial. Don’t worry.”
The status of the case as a class-action suit means that any American potatriot who actually thinks this is possible can sign on as a claimant, and any resulting fines will be split evenly among all the claimants, except for Democrats, who won’t see a dime because they’re anti-American twats. Speaker Pelosi is reportedly worth about $666 billion, so she has incredibly deep pockets from which to fish for fines.
The lead attorney for the plaintiffs, Barrister Joe Barron, said he intends to go after every dime of her fortune, including all the money she stuffed in a duffel bag and smuggled out of the Social Security office in Washington, DC, all the money she shoved in her bra and stole from the Treasury, and all the money she hid in empty vodka bottles under her desk.
If you would like to sign on as a plaintiff in the case, please click here.