The World Health Organization announced today that it has hired former US President Barack Obama and his wife, former First Lady Michelle, to coordinate the US response to the ongoing crisis. Citing the Trump administration’s apparent inability to manage its way out a paper bag, WHO Secretary Joe Barron said that it was time for “real leadership” in the United States:
“We simply can no longer stand idly by and watch the American people suffer as a result of the incompetent buffoonery displayed by the current administration . While everyone is washing their hands and avoiding touching their faces, the President is still digging boogers out of his nose on live TV. Frankly, we’re amazed that he hasn’t thrown rolls of toilet paper at reporters during press briefings.”
White House counselor Kellyanne Conway scoffed at the idea:
“This is patently false. The president of these United States of America is always sure to use a sanitized golden spoon to dig boogers out of his nose, not his bare hands. He is the most accomplished and most sanitary booger digger in history.”
Obama spokeswoman Chelsea Clinton said the Obamas were overjoyed at the news:
“President Obama and Michelle look forward to reminding the American people what real leadership is like. Instead of hamberders and covfefe we will deliver real results in record time.”
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