First Lady Melania Knees Trump announced today that her anti-bullying campaign — known as “Be Best” — has a new mascot.
She wanted a softer, more approachable face for her signature issue, so she has acquired the services of a dog. Yes, that’s right. A dog. Not just any dog, though. A sweet, beautiful dog with an uncanny resemblance to the First Lady.
“I can’t explain why I picked thees particular dog. Thees dog, she somehow made me think of ME when I saw her. I don’t like dogs, but most people do, so thees dog will now be the face of my hilariously face-palm-inducing Be Best anti-bullying campaign,” the First Lady said when she introduced the dog to the press.
The dog, who will now answer to the name “Be Best,” responded by trying to sniff the crotch of a nearby aide and then posed for the cameras with squinty eyes.
Her spokeswoman, Sandy Batt, refused to say where Mrs. Trump acquired the dog, if the dog is living with the Trump family in the White House, or what will happen to the dog when the Trumps leave the White House in January 2021, if not sooner.
The dog spends all her time trying to bend spoons with her mind.
Members of the press corps attempted to ask President Donald Jacknugget Trump for his thoughts about the dog, but were bodyslammed by the Secret Service at the direction of the president for asking such impertinent questions.
Trump was overheard later in the day telling an aide, “I hate dogs. Always have. Filthy creatures, dogs. My youngest son, what’s his name? Barron. Yes, Barron wanted a dog but I told him no. He can get a dog after Melania files for divorce at a little after noon on January 20, 2021.”
Until then, patriots, Be Best is the face of the anti-bullying campaign.