Bernie Drops Out, Endorses Biden in Exchange for Cabinet Position

Bernie is a quitter!

Faced with the hard, cold reality that there’s no way he can win the Democratic Presidential nomination, Senator Bernie Sanders has thrown in the towel and will endorse Joe Biden. He said,

“I’m not even a Democrat, but I fought really long and hard for the party’s nomination. I yelled a lot, waved my arms around a lot, promised a lot of free stuff, and said a couple of nice things about some dictators. But the establishment changed people’s votes or somehow manipulated millions more people into voting for Joe Biden. It’s unfair, I’ve been robbed, but that’s how things go.”

Senator Sanders will endorse Joe Biden, clearing the way for him to secure the nomination, in exchange for a position in his Cabinet. Sanders has his eye on the Secretary of Socialistical Programs position, which will basically give him the ability to go around stealing stuff from hardworking patriots and give it to lazy liberals and illegal immigrants.

He’s getting old and he’s had a heart attack, though, so he’ll have to work hard to have the physical stamina to go around stealing stuff for the next four years.

Democratic National Committee spokeswoman Sandy Batt said, “Sanders did the right thing in dropping out. He isn’t inspiring people the way he did in 2016, and we all just want a sane person to beat Trump. Biden is that sane person.”

Former Vice President Joe Biden clapped his hands with glee when told that Sanders was quitting the race. “Bernie is a great senator. He’s spent decades in the Senate and he’s successfully named a couple of post offices. I will gladly consider appointing him as my Secretary of Socialistical Programs, if he tells his bros to show up and vote for me.”

What do you think, patriots? Should Bernie have dropped out or no?

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