It’s a well-known fact that Donald Trump has never told a lie in his life. Except that one time when he promised to release his tax returns during the 2016 campaign for president. He said that as soon as his audit was over, he’d release the returns and that they’d show he was a multi-billionaire, an exceedingly generous philanthropist, and a person who never, EVER paid off porn stars in exchange for their silence after having sex with them while his third wife recovered from the birth of his fifth child.
But now, a Deep State mole within the Internal Revenue Service has leaked his returns for the past 10 years, and the information contained in them is explosive. Pulitzer Prize-winning financial journalist Joe Barron reviewed the documents and has now gone into hiding in Venezuela to protect his safety.
Before he left the United States, Barron reported that Trump’s tax returns contain the following very believable nuggets of truth:
- Trump’s charitable giving for 2014 consisted of 365 unwashed Jockey underpants, size XXXL.
- He has been paying Stormy Daniels $500,000 a year since 2017 for “dance lessons,” which Ms. Daniels would neither confirm nor deny when reached for comment. She did giggle and say Trump weighs too much to attempt any pole-dancing moves, and then quickly hung up.
- He pays six kids at Barron’s school to pretend to be his friends.
- He’s socking away as much money as possible each year in an offshore account in the Cayman Islands, in preparation for his family’s move to a safe haven without an extradition treaty after he leaves office in handcuffs.
- He owes billions to Deutsche Bank and some Russian oligarch who goes by Vlad the Impaler but totally isn’t Putin.
- Melania is doing “modeling” gigs on the side to keep from getting bored in DC. And by “modeling,” we mean soft core lesbian porn. You know, the kind that plays well in the Bible Belt.
This is a developing story.