President Trump has brought an end to an 18 year long war that has taken the lives of countless people. He and the Taliban have reached an agreement that will create lasting peace.
The Taliban, of course, are a fundamentalist group in Afghanistan who were implicitly connected with Al-Qaeda, the terrorist faction that attacked us in 2001, bringing down the Twin Towers in New York City and slaughtering thousands of innocent American civilians. They attacked us at home and Americans united and swore that they should be defeated. In his infinite wisdom, President Trump has finally accepted that this does not matter.
So he sat down with Mr. Taliban, played a few rounds of golf, and they chatted about money, and porn stars and who has the best blow in NYC. And when it was all over, they became friends, and as friends they hugged it out, and no longer felt the need to be hostile with one another.
This is a peace that nobody ever thought would be achieved, yet it has arrived. Leaders of 14 nations have seen this miracle of peace and decided to nominate President Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize, making it very likely that he will win. The nations include N. Korea, Afghanistan, Syria, Russia, Sierra Leone, Micronesia, and many others. President Trump is a shoo-in.
United States ambassador to Syria, Joe Barron, badly translated a statement from the country’s President which explained his reasons for the nomination:
“Mr. Trump is a pleasure to work with. Throughout our work together, he has been instrumental in dealing with terrorism and forging worldwide peace. America will one day be the only country on Earth.”
Our dear leader is finally being recognized for making the world a better place. We are all in your corner, Mr President! Nobody deserves this tremendous honor more than you!