In an admission that shocked no one, Adam Schiff admitted that the impeachment hearings were nothing more than a pathetic witch hunt in an attempt to install Nancy Pelosi as the first female President of the United States of America. Despite the backing of the $2.4 billion that Speaker Pelosi drunkenly transferred from the Social Security Fund, the Democrats had no chance of pulling off this treacherous act.
Schiff’s spokeswoman Tiffany Williams explained, “We saw the classic witch hunt scenario as the most likely way to remove President Trump. We knew that Mike Pence would follow Trump anywhere he went so if we were successful removing Trump, Pence would leave of his own free will. We made sure that we showed the orangiest orange photos of Trump every time we had pictures of him up. Definitely not human. The qualifying questions were simple. First, does he float? We didn’t think he would so we moved to the second question. Is he made of wood? Well, we’ve seen him move around enough to determine that it’s not likely that he’s made of wood. Lastly, does he weigh the same as a duck? Are you kidding? The guy’s pushing 4 bills! We concluded that he’s definitely not a witch.”
Not content with the obvious findings that all of the good Republicans acquitted on, anonymous sources have said that Schiff has hired high powered attorneys Ben Stone and Paul Robinette to try to dig up dirt on our Dear Leader and have been in contact with some of the judges in Hillary Clinton’s henchmen to obtain mass subpoenas.
Instead of focusing on keeping America great again, the socialist Democrats will stop at nothing to turn our great country into some kind of Venzuelian cesspool. The only thing stopping them is our great Great Leader Donald J. Trump.