Pelosi Pens Bill to Disarm I.C.E. Agents


Since President Trump began his epic crackdown on the state of illegal immigration on our great nation, Speaker Nancy Pelosi seems focused on doing nothing more than throwing a wrench in the works at every turn.  This week, she’s pushing congressional bill UP-661, which will prohibit agents of I.C.E. from carrying firearms or using deadly force.

She’s also working on getting Angelina Jolie to stop carrying babies around. It kills a guy’s fantasy of banging Tomb Raider.

Opponents of the bill believe such legislation will hobble the agency, and leave it’s officers open to attack, especially in the concentration camp-like child prisons where hundreds of horrified minors are being held.  Guards at these facilities have reported having paper thrown at them, being called names in Spanish, and being constantly nagged for food, water, and sanitary facilities.  Many officers believe that without a gun, they will lose much of their authority and be forced to beat charges physically, which can lead to legal consequences.  Pelosi explained her side to the Washington QueefEagle:

“Firstly, since ICE has been directed to arrest non-criminal offenders, they’re in much less danger of injury.  Arresting innocent civilians doesn’t require firepower.  Neither does being a warden at a prison full of terrified toddlers.  If these agents are too frightened to do their jobs without a gun, they can quit and go back to where they came from.”

Han Solo quit and went back to where he came from. Then he died. Keep your kids in school, people.

Starting in September after the passage of the bill, agents will be issued non-lethal weapons such as yo-yo’s, potato guns, and 18-inch Shogun Warrior action figures who’s fists shoot out when you push a button on their backs.  Although these are all formidable, we should still pray for our men in black and yellow who protect our white people.

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