Nancy Pelosi Retiring – Won’t Seek Re-Election in 2020

Nancy Pelosi’s office spent the day denying what her own daughters spilled earlier this week at a kegger in San Dimas: Speaker Pelosi will NOT be seeking another term as a US Congresswoman. According to Brandon Kyle, a friend of Cassandra Pelosi:

“She totally said her mom was retiring. Like…30 people heard it. Her sister Marisol was upstairs doing that thing she does with a Zagnut and confirmed it to at least 16 girls and one undecided that we know of.”

When asked how credible the source was, we were told “regardless of how credible the source is, the information is true,” which explains everything.

The mainstream media has been told not to report it.

That won’t stop the truth from getting out, however, as more people find Cassie’s story and hunt down Kyle. Our own investigator in the field, Skip Tetheluda, says he found the sources to be fully credible:

“I went expecting to find a bunch of losers looking to score some cash on inside info and instead found a bunch of complete idiots who didn’t understand how valuable their information was. I sat and burned one with Mikey and Rich and they gave me the whole scoop. Yeah, she’s retiring all right.”

Skip’s reputation is unmatched in our circles, so we’re gonna go ahead and pass this information along. Expect the rest of the world to catch up sometime later this week.

About Flagg Eagleton 103 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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