Investigators Find ‘Hundreds’ of Payments to Epstein From Brett Kavanaugh

WILL IT STICK THIS TIME?

A shocking new addition to the underage sexual exploitation case against mogul Jeffrey Epstein has aimed the crosshairs squarely at a second Trump appointee.  After Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta stepped down earlier today, federal investigators revealed that they had uncovered “hundreds” of receipts of payment to Epstein from Justice Brett Kavanaugh, the Trump Supreme Court pick who had previously been accused of sexual assault himself.

“I wonder if there’s beer in jail?”

Lead investigator Alan Sharpe told media members at a late-afternoon press briefing that a search of Epstein’s tax records pulled up over 350 receipts from the beer-swilling judge, most of them labelled “candy”, which they assume is code for the sexually abused children he had been exploiting.  The receipts are thought to constitute evidence enough to open a full investigation into the judge’s dealings, with possible subsequent charges to be filed.

Kavanaugh’s office did not respond to requests for comment.

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