Walmart Gives 50% of Profits To Trump 2020 Campaign

The truth is right in front of you

Walmart USA and its founders, the Walton family, have taken a cue from Home Depot and will do their part to ensure the continued presidency of Donald Jebidiah Trump. In an explosive announcement today, Walmart CEO, Jim Walton, pledged half of the company’s profits to the President’s re-election. More specifically, he said, they will donate “half the company’s service profits from a sixty-fourth of one quarter of a sixteenth of quarter two’s first ninety-sixth period of fiscal 2019″…… the Trump 2020 campaign.

This is extraordinary. For a company as humongous as Walmart to pledge 50% of profit of any kind is unheard in this country. But then, we now have an extraordinary leader who is worthy of extraordinary efforts from the extraordinary elites of the country who we adore and admire as our betters, sometimes – when we’re smart – electing them to the highest office in the land.

This may perhaps merely be a case of one billionaire “one upping” another as this announcement came so soon after a similar one from one of the Home Depot founders yesterday. Maybe it’s ego that drove the Waltons to make this pledge, maybe it’s nothing more than pure, unadulterated patriotism. Whatever the case, their donations, along with those of any other billionaires who see an opportunity to have their taxation rate eliminated, will be much appreciated by Republicans nationwide.


  1. About Taters

    “Taters” are the conservative fans of America’s Last Line of Defense. They are fragile, frightened, mostly older caucasian Americans. They believe nearly anything. While we go out of our way to educate them that not everything they agree with is true, they are still old, typically ignorant, and again — very afraid of everything.

    Our mission is to do our best to show them the light, through shame if necessary, and to have a good time doing it, because…old and afraid or not, these people are responsible for the patriarchy we’re railing so hard against. They don’t understand logic and they couldn’t care less about reason. Facts are irrelevant. BUT…they do understand shame.

  2. The article sounds goofy. I didn’t figure out what the percentage ended up being but it could be very close to zero. There are federal limits on donations to campaigns. How is this being done legally? I guess nobody worries about that since it is all just a bunch of talk. Lol

  3. Everybody calling it satire must not have seen Trumps address speech couple months back when all the CEO’s from Wallmart, Costco and CVS were there and Trump said “were going to make a lot of money”. He wasn’t even talking about the vaccines yet, so you can be in denial all you want

  4. OMG people you shouldn’t be so gullible. It says right above the article:

    Colon Crusher * Satire and/or Conservative Fan Fiction

  5. Y’all can’t recognize a satire site when you see it? One that says satire in the header???? Lol

  6. Hillarious! Duh, ya’ll most of the merchandise at Walmart is from CHINA! Just sayin’.

  7. Reply to Oh Please…….Just a few things to say to anonymous writer….at least we Taters are on the line of defense, we may listen to everything because we were taught to, but we don’t always believe it, old–true, ignorant and afraid–you’ve got to be kidding, we’re not offended at every truth or lie spoken these days, we look for facts and the true truth. Rebel all you want, take “your mission” and go to another country and set up your own system, we Taters aren’t going away and you know what? Some day someone will have a name for you too, that is as rude as you are today. We Taters see the light everyday and if you would accept Jesus Christ, you would too. Being anonymous makes you very loud mouthed and foolish.

  8. Reply to Oh please… while I don’t see much harm in offending the likes of Darla Reed, those who understand that what you said was aimed at them and is meant to offend, I wonder about this.

    The reality that your news is fake, will become known to the rest of the ‘taters’, eventually, many of whom may have been on the fence, almost ready to open their eyes based on actual events themselves. But then they see this fine printed ‘satire’ and wonder, hmm, does it really matter if I switch sides if they both lie to me?

  9. GO TRUMP. TEAM TRUMP2020. Praying for our country and Team Trump!! Thank you Walmart!

  10. I only come here to laugh like hell at the comments. It was a difficult choice with so many Taters in the parade, but today’s winners are Darla Reed and Jane Goodwin. Thanks for playing, ladies.

  11. I only come here to laugh at the comments. It was a hard choice given the contestants in this Tater Parade, but today’s winners are Darla Reed and Jane Goodwin. Thanks for the Stoopid, ladies. See ya in church.

  12. All the whining is ridiculous! This is a satirical site! Means, NOT TRUE!! Joke is on you!


  14. I just had an argument with someone who is taking this as truth. I kept pointing out that it is satire and I was basically called a liar. This is not fun now,

  15. I, myself recognize satire when I see it and yes … All this is satire for sure. Let’s get that out of the way up front.
    However….I have to say .. I agree with Darla Reed’s comment on her defense of what some people refer to as ” Taters “.
    Don’t forget…it was a LOT of so – called ” Taters ” who fought & died for this Country to build & make it the greatest Country of all !!! A Country of Freedom !!!
    A Country where ” Taters ” are STILL fighting & sacrificing their all to keep it a FREE Country !!! So think of that next time you call someone a ” Tater “.
    A U.S. Army Veteran (a.k.a. ” Tater” )

  16. I urge everyone to boycott Walmart for this move. They are also responsible for selling cheap Chinese goods at suburban sites that destroy countless downtown economies. If you love your town and hate what suburban sprawl has done to it don’t shop at Walmart. Boycott

  17. It’s absolutely impossible to do any kind of satire on Trump anymore. More bizzare things happen in one minute of this administration than has happened in the entire history of our history..

  18. Was trying to find another reason why I hated Walmart now I have it, lets recap: mistreatment and underpayment of workers and staff, Locking Black hair care products in a secure cage. now giving Don (Tweety) Trump half of its profits, That’s the final straw.

  19. It’s disturbing how many people don’t know what SATIRE is. Gullible assholes. It’s a joke, not real at all. 🤦🏻‍♀️

  20. I have not been into a WALMART store in 10+ years and I will not be going mack ever again.

  21. Social media is undated with fake news, sequel to the headlines and it’s enclosures , I can only cast my doubts on it.
    What about all other stakeholders on Walmart shares ?

  22. I will not shop at Walmart anymore, profits will drop and they will not be able to donate to such a stupid fool.

  23. You Anonymous commentors – you afraid to show your names? Afraid to show others who you are and who you support? Just chicken sh!ts to me.

  24. Can we stop with all of this and start building our own
    ‪Can we build our own??? Support the rebuild of Black Wall Street. Let’s create our own policing. Build our own communities, schools, churches, and Hospitals. They want our black dollars but don’t want to respect us. Let’s use our money to build up a community for us. Donate today.

  25. Walmart, since your making so much money, try giving your employees a raise, since Trump wont help them

  26. Wow. I was really surprised by this. I won’t be shopping at Walmart, nor Home Depot anymore.

  27. Well derr, now im going to Mcdonalds for my toilet paper and shitty clothes needs!!!

  28. wow liberals are an easy mark…..this is totally satire and even the web page makes extra ordinary effort to tell folks that ….but….butt hurt liberals are loosing their minds