Robert Mueller Calls Trump ‘Epstein’s Accomplice’

Robert Mueller, the former Republican who obviously switched sides to persecute Donald Trump, is now vowing to tie him to Jerry Epstein, the registered sex-offender and billionaire. Epstein was recently indicted for sex trafficking children in the mid 200s0s.

Mueller, who says it’s a “well-known fact” that Trump and Epstein flew around together to have intercourse with young girls, says he intends to prove it “if it’s the last thing he ever does.”

The White House says the charges are so preposterous that they won’t bother responding. Director of Information and Propaganda, Art Tubolls, answered a few questions:

“It’s just silly. What in the President’s past suggests that he is at all capable of this kind of behavior? He’s a great dad to his daughter and a great husband to all of his wives. Those times he flew with Ivanka and Epstein had nothing to do with the charges against that guy. President Trump has never even met him for more than a picture or a handshake or whatever stupid ‘evidence’ Democrats come up with.”

Tubolls went on to talk about how ashamed he is of the Justice Department for allowing Mueller, who doesn’t technically work there anymore, to come and go as he pleases and open new investigations.

Epstein’s lawyers say they plan to ask for leniency in exchange for testimony against the President, including a tape of him “watching intently” as Epstein braided young Ivanka’s hair. So far, nobody has seen the tape, so it’s as real as urinating Russian prostitutes.

Mueller has 30 days by law to come up with something or he forfeits the right to investigate.

About Flagg Eagleton 138 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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