El Don Puerco, Texas : residents of this normally quiet and orderly town on the Mexican border are in fear for their health as local officials declared the entire town quarantined after an outbreak of Uromysitisis, assuredly caused by the influx of “migrant” caravans seeking asylum at the border crossing. Representatives from the CDC are currently on site and weighing options.
The Uromysitisis disease, notably mentioned on an episode of television series : “Seinfeld”, occurs when one attempts to hold the contents of their bladder in an overly strenuous manner due to the unavailability of restrooms. It is believed that lines to use public facilities in El Don Puerco have grown to such lengths that dozens are forced to hop on one foot in discomfort. The outbreak is similar to another, last year, when the Despotellis plague appeared.
Officials have cordoned off the entire township, and are having a fleet of port-a-potties shipped in by early tomorrow to force the infection to piss off.