The United Nations, after careful consideration of the events occurring between Iran an the United States most recently, has issued an edict forbidding the use of American drones or aircraft within the Persian Gulf, or anywhere even close to the theocratic kingdom’s airspace. The announcement was made in front of the governing security council, who concluded by showing a slideshow of President Trump and laughing at it uproariouosly.
Most upset by the ruling is National Security Advisor and role model for the popular book and television series : “Dexter”, John Bolton. He made his misgivings clear in an interview with the Queefington World Press :
“How are we supposed to start any kind of delicious conflict if we can’t even get intel? The only way my incredibly sexy dream of dropping bombs and laying waste to human beings is going to come true is with a President so easily manipulated and outright stupid in office. And the only way Trump even has a chance to win the next election is by pretending to be a ‘war-time president’, just like Bush did. God that was beautiful. I say screw the U.N. Ninety percent of what this administration’s done has been ignoring laws and obstructing justice anyway. Who’s gonna test us? Pelosi? Oooo, I HATES Pelosi!”
Spokepeople from the United Nations admitted that they’ve been keeping their own survellience on Bolton since the 1990’s.
“That guy makes Norman Bates look like a ballet dancer”, one commented to Fox News. “If I had a newborn puppy, and I needed someone to watch it for five minutes, and my choices were a giant alligator that hasn’t eaten in three days or John Bolton, I’d already be on a plane to the Everglades.”