Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Reinstate School Prayer

The Supreme Court set the record straight today on school prayer. According to Democrats and the way the Constitution has been interpreted since the Carter administration, school prayer is “state-sanctioned religion” and therefore a violation of your 1st Amendment rights.

The problem is, prayer isn’t religion, it is — by itself — free and independent thought. Yes, that may seem a bit strange, since prayer shows humility and weakness as a human being, but the law works in mysterious ways.

According to a spokesman against prayer, our children are better off in a secular setting:

“It’s not that prayer is necessarily bad, but…whose prayer? There are 3000 religions recorded in this country. Are the prayers Christian? Do we start separating our kids by religion in class so they can hear the right prayer in the morning? Breitbart would have a field day with a classroom full of Muslim kids praying to the east five times a day.”

Maybe they should be separated. And the atheists, too. Why do those kids even need school? Don’t their parents already know everything there is to know about everything?

The ruling specifically states that school prayer must include any requests from any religion that wishes to participate, which means there are some schools in urban settings that will have to start an hour early, while the kids in rural America can just pray to the regular God and get on to learning about how we’re the greatest country ever and how we never ever make mistakes.

Pray and teach our children that and we won’t have to worry about Global Warming. Our badass kids will kick its ass. The ruling goes into effect at the beginning of the next school year. The clause allowing prayer will be added to the 1st Amendment in a special ceremony at the White House shortly after Trump’s re-election.

About Flagg Eagleton 128 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

1 Comment

  1. It’s about time they finally agreed that school prayer isn’t state sanctioned religion. When the Supreme Court ruled against that and the posting of the Ten Commandments this nation began to take a deep moral dive.

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