STUDY : Nobody On Earth Actually Enjoys IPAs

The truth is right in front of you

When Don Scott walked up to the bar to order, he pretended to show indecision. He hemmed and hawed until he finally declared,”I know! I’ll have an IPA please! When in doubt go with the best!”

He then proudly flaunted his beer bottle as he walked back to his table to drink with his friends. They talked and laughed and waved each of their IPA’s in the air for all to see. They seemed to feel their choice gave them status and one would think they felt it made them “one of the cool kids”. In reality, they drank their beverages with a mix of shame and self-loathing as they were merely pretending.

A new study has shown that nobody on earth actually enjoys India Pale Ales. It is purchased only as a result of a “mass brainwashing brought about by effective promotion.” People order the disgusting, hoppy refreshment out of a sense that it affords them an elite placement. And their confidence in this perpetuates the myth as others see that confidence and do the same.

This graph speaks for itself.

The fact that none actually enjoy their pretentious liquid is shoved to the recesses of their minds. They appear to relish it but it is all an act. It is a loathsome ale and they all know it somewhere in their being.

The study further found that there appeared to be no way to fully convince the consumers of this opposition of claim and reality. The promotion of the IPA as an enjoyable “alternative to the run of the mill beers” (the good ones), has been cemented in their minds. It may be the most brilliant – and terrifying – mass marketing hypnosis the world has ever seen.

The study also found similarities with those who order Barolos. There is no such thing as a good Barolo.

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