Nancy Pelosi Sets New Record for Time Spent at the Betty Ford Clinic

The Guinness Book of World Records, Bar and Grill has confirmed that Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, has made the record books. According to Lead Historian for the publication, Art Tubolls:

“Speaker Pelosi has officially spent more time at the Betty Ford Clinic than anyone else in history, with the exception of Betty Ford. In the past 30 years Mrs. Pelosi has accrued 471 days of in-house treatment, squeaking past Charlie Sheen and earning her a spot at Arlington with Chris Farley.”

This isn’t Nancy’s first time in the book, either. In 1974, Nancy made Guinness for her “Roe v Wade appreciation Campaign.” She raised more than $2 million dollars and used every dime to pay for abortions across the country, making her responsible for more infant deaths than anyone in American history and second in the world only to Adolph Hitler.

Pelosi was also added to the book in 2014, when her re-election campaign got more votes from dead people than anyone in history, beating out the 1928 Chicago Mayoral Race by two invalid votes. The Supreme Court denied hearing the case.

When Pelosi gets out next Wednesday, she’ll resume her full schedule, along with private AA meetings right in the hill with the other 58 alcoholics and/or drug addicts in Congress.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 154 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.