No Respect for the Law: Beto Arrested at Violent Protest for Drug Possession

Beto O’Rourke has a habit of showing up in some strange places lately. It’s almost like he thinks being in trouble will give him some sort of “bad boy” image.

That’s not what’s happening, unfortunately. What’s happening is Beto is making a fool of himself. Yesterday in a drunk driving episode at a Midland marina, and today for being busted with weed in Chicago while attending a Black Lives Matter rally.

According to Beto’s manager, Art Tubols:

“Beto went to Chicago to hang out with some genuine inner-city minorities. To listen to their problems. He was told by Corey Booker, who is black, to bring something as a gesture, so he brought a few blunts he picked up at the South Side shack we stop at for burritos as big as your head. Nobody seems to want to talk about it being legal in the city and whatnot, but whatevs.”

The decriminalization of marijuana in many cities means you get a fine, but Beto was caught with bloogies as well, which Tubolls denies are his:

“We’ve never even heard of bloogies. Is that a Chicago thing?”

Clearly, they plan to play stupid. The bottom line was, assuming you should bring blunts and bloogies to a black neighborhood to gain favor with the locals so you can take politically motivated pictures is playing the race card, and they should be ashamed.

South Side resident and black person, Bluto Larst, spoke on behalf of the neighborhood to our requests for a statement:

“If I was going to a white neighborhood I’d bring a six-pack of Diet Monster, a squeeze tube of extra heavy mayo, some Vicodan 10s and a CBD biscuit for their little dogs, so sure…call it what you want. Blunts was a good call. We don’t do bloogies. No idea what he was thinking there.”

O’Rourke is saying that without the bloogie charge, they’d have to fine him $50 and let him go, but he swears he’s being set up. The police on the scene have been removed from active duty, sent to another precinct where they’ll be on paid leave until they’re reactivated and promoted to a different department. That should get some answers.

*Update – a camera from the ATM at the bar across the street picked up a shot of one of the cops planting bloogies on Beto. He’s been released without charges. Also, there is no confirmation that this ever happened at all.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 154 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.